That’s a question I posed to a group of over 100 professional Black singles at an event designed for men and women to keep it real about their feelings on dating, sex and relationships. The responses were so real & raw, the conversation was LIT!
I apparently touched a nerve with the fellas and the sistas. Maybe you can relate? Holla if any of these real-life scenarios sound familiar…
You meet someone online whose profile says he has an MBA from Harvard, an honorary PhD, and a six-figure job. His parents have been married for over 40 years, and he says he’s looking for a wife. His profile picture depicts a confident, clean-cut brother, and he is one of the first to inbox you when you put your profile up.
After a few text message conversations, you casually mention that you’re so excited that you’re in the market for a new house and he innocently asks to see pictures of homes you’ve been visiting. After you send them he says, “Are you expecting the man you’re with to keep up this lifestyle?”
You mention to the man you’ve been seeing for the last 3 months that you’re excited about your upcoming trip to Belize. He gets quiet, then tells you that you should be saving your money instead of wasting it on so many trips. He tells you he’s not going to support such a frivolous lifestyle (as though you were expecting him to do that for you anyway). When you tell him thanks for his concern, but how you spend your money is your business, he snaps: “That’s what’s wrong with you educated women. You don’t know how to submit to a REAL man!”
You step into your first date carrying a Louis bag, wearing your favorite pair of Red Bottoms and slaying with a fresh sew-in. The date seems to go well, although you were a little confused about what he meant when he said he was still single because he couldn’t find a woman who wasn’t so materialistic. After the date, he walks you back to your car. When he sees it’s a 2018 Benz, he shouts out, “Dang, girl! You got it like that?!”
Maybe you’ve had someone make assumptions about you before they even say hello. He assumes you’re not interested because you carry yourself like you don’t play games. Or when he finds out you’re an MD, PhD, or JD, and you live in a nice home, he suddenly becomes too busy to talk anymore. Maybe you’ve had guys asking you for money to pay rent or student loans or airplane tickets because they think you got it like that.
You’re not even one of those sisters who asks a brother for his credit score on a first date. Yes, you’d like him to bring something to the table, but as long as he’s stable and wants to build something with you, you’re all good!
All of it makes dating and relationships exhausting. You feel like you can’t trust that a man is being genuine or not. You wonder if there’s a man out there who won’t make money an issue in a relationship.
What’s really going on with successful women and relationships? Are single men really intimidated to be with a high-powered woman? Or are women so self-reliant that they make men feel like there’s no room for them in their lives?
The answers are more complicated than you think. And if you don’t get clarity on this huge obstacle in Black relationships, you could stay stuck and struggling instead of boo’d up with a man who honors, appreciates and respects you.
I’m spilling the tea in our next Single For The Holidays Live Broadcast. This is one you won’t want to miss!