Same man, different face.
If this describes your dating life then you are stuck in what I call the “Déjà vu Dating” pattern.
Déjà vu is the feeling you get when you’re in a new situation but it feels like you’ve already lived through it. You know you’re stuck in this pattern when your Sunday brunch conversations with your girls start to sound the same every time you meet someone new.
You: Girl, I just met this amazing man! I think he’s The One!
Your girls: (Side eye)
You: No, for real! He says he can see a future with me. And I know he’s dealing with a lot right now, but he treats me so well. He’s consistent, sexy, and he makes me laugh. I see so much potential. We’re gonna build an empire together!
Your girls: Didn’t you say that about John? And Devin? And Steve? And…
You: Ok, what are you trying to say?
If you can relate to this scenario, then I need to have a quick coaching session with you so you can learn how to choose better partners.
Step 1: Know Your History
Look over your relationship history and write out what made you interested in these guys in the first place. Easy enough right? Brace yourself, though, because now it’s time to get honest. What didn’t work in these relationships? What hurtful behaviors caused disconnects in the relationship?
Once you write down the breakdowns you’ll see a pattern: You’re attracted to selfish men who need a lot of help because you’re turned on when you feel needed. (If you can’t say Amen, say ouch!)
Get clear on the past patterns so that you can see the red flags in your new boo and you don’t end up in the same place: single again!
Step 2: Change Your Type
If you always go for the strong, silent ALPHA types who make you weak in the knees but break your heart in the end, and you’re bored by the stable guy who would make a great partner, you are in a dangerous dating cycle. It’s time to get clear. Your type reveals important information about who you believe you are (and what you believe you deserve)
You can change the type of person you’re attracted to by understanding that attraction is bigger than feeling a spark of chemistry with someone.
Step 3: Outsmart Your Heart
You’ve been taught that attraction is an all or nothing, black or white experience. It isn’t. You can train yourself to be attracted to the right kind of partner. It starts with dating outside your type and focusing on what you appreciate about those men so you amplify the feelings of safety, trust, security, warmth and ease that comes with being in a healthy romantic relationship.
If the new man you’ve just met is making you feel déjà vu, then that could be a sign that you haven’t done the work in your heart and mind to clear away the past and make powerful new decisions in love.
Join me for another Facebook Live broadcast where I’ll share expert advice on how to attract better partners so you can have the love you deserve.