Pilot

Michael Kyle never thought his life could get so complicated. His younger daughter Kady keeps yammering at him in Spanish (thanks to the nanny, who, he's convinced, can't stand him), his older daughter is having her teen crisis and his son is entering puberty. To make things even better, Janet, his wife, got an offer to work full time, which is great, but only for her. Michael wants her to spend more time at home with the children and him, but who said she is willing to give up the job she worked so hard to get? Counseling is the answer.

Janet and Michael find a tattoo parlor card in Junior's pants. They ask him if he got one, and he denies. Michael can't figure out who spilled soda on his stereo and he calls a family meeting, where everybody can tell the truth without repercussions. Janet confesses that she's the one who spilled soda on the stereo, and Junior confesses he got 2 tattoos. Michael's upset about it, mainly because his son lied to them. But he realizes he can't stay mad at him forever. Meanwhile, Kady pretends Michael's invisible after he doesn't let her spend the night at her friend's

When Michael and Jay realize that Jr. has been smoking marijuana, they provide him with an unforgettable night filled with fun and creative mind games. Meanwhile, Kady is disappointed that her big sister, Claire, won't spend time with her; and, to prevent their out-of-style clothes from being given away, Michael and Jay promise to wear the outfits for a week.

Claire's trying to attract boys in school so she goes bra shopping. At the store, she hides her father from her friends and buys a padded bra so the boys will notice her. Meanwhile, Jr. beats Michael at basketball and Michael punishes him for that. They set a bet and Michael loses again until he gets back in shape to finally beat his son.

Jr. gets an F in Algebra and forges it into an A. Claire finds out about it and soon starts to blackmail Jr. so she won't tell their parents. But Michael and Janet are smarter than that and decide to teach Jr. a lesson by "toying" with him. After numerous attempts, Janet decides to take her own actions on Claire, while Michael still tries to make Jr.'s guilt speak out. That only happens when Michael has Jr.'s teacher over.

Jr. has to get an A on his Algebra final. Michael and Janet decide they have to do something to make him study, so Michael offers him 1,000 dollars if he gets an A. Janet doesn't like the idea, so Michael hires a really hot math tutor to teach Jr. Algebra. Again, Janet does not support the idea saying that even though Jr. might get an A, is not worth having his heart broken. That's exactly what happens when Jr. falls in love with his tutor. He gets an A and has his heart broken, but at least he learned Algebra and how to be a man. Meanwhile, Claire has problems with Janet and they have to have a serious talk.

Jr. is having problems at school with a bully, so Michael and Janet invite his parents over to discover some of the kid's weak points. Jr. teases the kid back and Claire punches him in the nose. Now Jr. is feeling humiliated, and George's father drops by to have a talk, where he and Michael argue and threaten each other. Meanwhile, Michael tells Janet she is not around enough, and she starts to realize that when she misses Kady's first tooth and her new "smell the cushions" thing.

Jay wants Michael to quit watching TV and spend a little more time with the family - something that apparently only she wants. But Michael insists on watching a basketball game. When Jay talks to him, he doesn't pay any attention, and later tries to find out what she told him. Then he tells her something, but Jay's too busy talking to one of her girlfriends on the phone, so she doesn't listen either. When the evening comes and they are ready to go out for dinner, Jay apologizes for not paying any attention and they decide to leave the kids alone. But will they pay any attention to their parents?

Claire develops her first real crush on a boy, and Michael does everything to break them up. But instead of threatening the guy like he would usually do, Michael become friends with him, to the point where the boy wants to spend more time with Michael then with Claire. After Claire dumps him, Jay makes Michael dump him too, which is a little hard because he listens to Michael. Jr., on the other hand, has been busier playing with himself. Ever since those hormones kicked in, Jr. spends most of the day in the bathroom, until he "breaks" his toy and has to take some time out.

Michael's brother Ken comes to visit and brings his newest girlfriend. While Jr. is mainly interested in seeing parts of her body, Michael envies his brother because his own sex life became a little boring - Jay keeps asking for more spontaneity and Michael doesn't know what to do. His brother tells him to innovate and Michael ends up catching a cold when he dances naked in the backyard for Jay. Meanwhile, Claire is worried about winning a dancing contest. She's not satisfied with Jr. being the only one with trophies to show around, and despite her father's dissatisfaction with her dance moves, she manages to get a second place - which is not exactly what she hoped for.

Michael's accountant dies suddenly, making Mike take a whole new perspective about his life. He buys a wig (or a hair piece as he likes to call it) and starts to demonstrate his love for his family in a weird way. He even buys a motorcycle and an RV, in a misguided effort to live life to its fullest. Jay tells the kids it's just a phase, but even she is going crazy with Michael. He only goes back to his old being after he cries the death of his friend and realizes there's a lot more about life than he thought.