Fantasy Football

When Bryana’s birthfather shows up at the house, intent on being Bryana’s friend, Bernie teaches him that what Bryana really needs is someone to discipline her.

Scrawny Jordan ends up winning wrestling matches because the other teams don’t have anyone in his weight class; and Vanessa intentionally ruins her clothes so that Wanda will be forced to buy her a new wardrobe.

Vanessa is forced to take a job at Bernie’s company after she runs up a debt on his credit cards.

Bernie is convinced that Vanessa is going to end up in trouble with boys after she buys a car; and Jordan tricks Wanda into thinking she’s driving him and his friends to a comic book convention.

Bernie lets Jordan baby-sit Bryana, but Jordan is more interested in watching a scary movie; and Wanda accidentally exposes herself during a charity auction.

Bernie shows Wanda how to intimidate the kids with Big Mama’s belt; and Bernie gets a state-of-the-art home entertainment system.

Bernie buys a BB gun when a possum shows up at the house; and Bernie clashes with Bryana’s father as he tries to show Jordan how to barbecue.

Bernie sentences Jordan and Bryana to a prison-like punishment after they misbehave, and then begins a CSI-style investigation for clues linking Vanessa to wrongdoing.

Bernie takes the family to a church retreat after Wanda notices that everyone is drifting apart; and Wanda tells Bernie she wants a child of her own.

Fearing that Bernie’s sister will one day return to take the children away, Wanda tells Bernie she wants to officially adopt the kids.

After Bernie bonds with Vanessa’s friend from Chicago, Vanessa extends an olive branch in an effort to mend fences with her uncle.

Bernie grows increasingly frustrated as Wanda’s efforts to conceive fail time and again.

When Wanda’s pregnancy test comes back positive, the kids grow convinced that they’re going to be replaced once the baby is born.

Bernie and Jordan join forces to play fantasy football; and Bryana takes an interest in applying makeup after Vanessa throws a makeup party for her friends.

Jordan and a new Jewish friend begin crashing bar mitzvahs; and Wanda and Vanessa play a joke on Bryana after she eavesdrops on conversations.

Bryan helps out Bernie while Wanda is away on a business trip; Jordan tries to convince his classmates he’s got the best smile in the eighth grade; and girls at school tease Bryana about her flat chest.

Bernie tries to arrange for a devout Christian who has yet to lose his virginity to take Vanessa to the prom; and a jealous Jordan resents Bryana after she injures herself playing soccer and is lavished with gifts.

Bernie is shocked to discover that Jordan is dating a cheerleader; and in order to have some free time for herself, Wanda lets Bryana hang around Vanessa.

Complications ensue when Wanda’s little sister Valerie throws Wanda a 1970s-themed skating party.

Bernie and Wanda try to help Vanessa improve her SAT scores, but Vanessa seems more interested in working at the coffee shop; and Jordan improves his physique.

After an electric shock sends him to a hospital, Bernie makes an effort to teach the children everything he knows; and Bernie gets on Vanessa’s nerves when he attempts to use his status as a celebrity to get her into Stanford.