Keep It On the Short Grass

Bernie faces off against Matt Damon and Lucy Lawless during a charity golf match, only to find that his biggest challenge is keeping up with Wanda.

Bernie determines to make Bryana grow up by making her give up her beloved doll, Precious.

Bernie forces Jordan to become friends with a nerd at school... only to discover, to his horror, that the nerd’s boring father wants to be Bernie’s friend.

The kids “unionize” — and then go on strike — after Bernie refuses to meet their demands for higher pay when they’re forced to complete tasks that go beyond normal chores.

When Jordan brings home a three-foot snake as part of a class project, it triggers rancor between him and Bryana... and outright terror in Bernie.

Bernie escorts a reluctant Vanessa to a father-daughter dance event; meanwhile Wanda’s quiet evening at home with Jordan and Bryana turns into chaos.

On Thanksgiving Bernie gets food poisoning while eating his own personal turkey, plunging him into a nightmarish fantasy world populated by his evil kids.

At Bernie’s insistence Wanda gets tough with the kids... until her relationship with them begins to deteriorate.

Wanda attempts to change Bernie’s eating habits after he’s diagnosed with high cholesterol.

When Jordan declares that he’s Jesus Christ, Bernie hopes to set him straight by forcing him to memorize the bible. Jordan gets revenge by convincing Bryana that Bernie’s “sin cup” is full, prompting Bryana to destroy some of Bernie’s cherished possessions.

Bernie and Wanda go to Wanda’s boss’ house for dinner, where Bernie finds he can’t escape the kids’ influence; meanwhile havoc erupts when Vanessa baby-sits Jordan and Bryana.

Bernie grows concerned when Jordan’s obsession for magic tricks shifts to an obsession for Vanessa’s friend; Bernie grows nostalgic for his first love.

When Bernie realizes that other parents play more than a small role in helping their kids with school projects, he decides to complete Jordan’s latest assignment without Jordan’s input; with some help from Bernie, Vanessa is elected class treasurer.

Bernie determines to make it to Las Vegas so he and his friends can watch a big boxing match. A series of setbacks involving the kids threatens to disrupt his plans.

Bernie’s long-held grudge against joke thief Chris Rock boils to the surface when Bernie’s agent gets the pair a spot on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno; Jordan takes measures to infect himself with pink eye when he discovers that Bryana gets to stay home from school.

Bernie decides to employ the same strategy used in chess to control the kids, but when Jordan masters the game, he lays a trap and makes his uncle a target in a paint ball tournament.

Bernie decides to save money by shopping at a grocery store that sells food in bulk. When he’s unable to restrain his buying impulses, Wanda locks all the food in a shed, forcing Bernie to find a way in.

Bernie’s new maid finds herself at the mercy of the kids, until Bernie gets wind of the situation and encourages her to launch a counterattack.

When Bernie becomes disgusted with the kids and the way they waste their Saturdays, he makes Bryana sign up for soccer and Jordan join the Scouts... unaware of all the work.

When Bernie’s sister Benita drops by for a visit, Bernie is pleased to see her... until she begins usurping his role as parent.

When Wanda’s parents visit the Mac household, it doesn’t take long for their behavior to irritate Bernie.

When Bernie discovers that Jordan has never had a birthday party, he decides to make it a memorable one... only to discover that one of Jordan’s classmates is having a birthday party on the same day, forcing Bernie to compete with the boy’s spiteful father.