The Getaway

Bernie is overjoyed when Jordan joins the gymnastics team at school, but his enthusiasm vanishes when he finds out that Jordan is a ribbon twirler.

Bernie clashes with his new neighbor when he builds a tree house for Jordan; Wanda resorts to drastic measures in an effort to keep her car clean.

Bernie sets out to give the kids a traditional Christmas, but when Vanessa, Bryana, and Jordan show more interest in receiving gifts than participating in holiday activities, an angered Bernie declares that Christmas has been cancelled.

Bernie’s bid at becoming a serious dramatic actor is torpedoed when people start laughing at his performance.

Bernie takes Jordan to the barbershop so he can observe other African-American guys and learn how to be a man; unfortunately Jordan repeats something Bernie had said about Earl the barber’s shaking hands.

When Vanessa gets a boyfriend, Bernie disapproves… until the boyfriend takes an interest in getting Jordan involved in sports and all things “old school.”

Wanda quits her job when a co-worker is promoted over her, but her presence in the house distracts Bernie as he prepares comedy material for an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show; Jordan arranges for boys to have access to Vanessa.

Bernie looks forward to a family reunion, but when his relatives get on his nerves, he’s happy to return home… only to discover that his relatives have come to the house for a “reunion after-party.”

Bernie plays an evil wizard in a movie featuring Bryana’s favorite character, Droobie; when Bernie’s character is mean to Droobie, Bryana thinks it’s the real thing.

Father Cronin informs Bernie that Jordan has an incredible gift for spelling words, but when Jordan enters a spelling bee, he realizes his true passion is comedy; and Vanessa videotapes the family for a school project.

When Wanda says that her parents are having money problems, Bernie decides to buy her father a car… only to find that no good deed goes unpunished.

When Jordan complains that he has no past, Bernie gives the boy a keepsake and tells him it once belonged to Jordan’s father; but the lie soon snowballs until Vanessa stops speaking to Bernie.

Bernie pulls Bryana out of the private school she’s attending after he observes the teachers in action and deems their lessons worthless; and Wanda tries to stop Vanessa and Jordan from fighting.

When Bernie’s peaceful vacation doesn’t go quite as planned, he decides to fly to Vegas to be with his friends… much to Wanda’s chagrin.

Bernie ignores Wanda’s concerns and vows to keep his new motorcycle; but a traffic accident prompts a change in attitude, and Bernie becomes overly concerned about the safety of those around him.

Wanda feels neglected when a woman starts hanging out with Bernie and his friends; and Jordan and his sisters find the box where Bernie stores the things he’s taken from them over the years.

After claiming it’s impossible for him to fall victim to a prank, Bernie thinks he’s accidentally poisoned his neighbor’s dog and Jordan’s pet rat.

Bernie allows Jordan to appear in a television commercial, only to end up regretting his decision.

Though Jordan is beginning to show an interest in girls, Bernie refuses to talk to the boy about sex, fearing it will only put ideas in his head.

When Bryana misbehaves and Bernie doesn’t punish her like he does the other kids, Vanessa accuses him of playing favorites; at their wits’ end, Bernie and Wanda consult a therapist.

Bernie suspects that his family isn’t doing anything special to celebrate his birthday.

As Thanksgiving approaches, Bernie is certain Vanessa has chosen him as the subject of a school paper focusing on the person she’s most thankful for. He grows doubtful when Vanessa seems more interested in the teacher who gave her the assignment.