Bernie has to bite his tongue after Social Services investigates his home as potentially "hostile", leading to a delayed explosion.

Bernie learns that although he wants to protect Vanessa and Jordan from the hazards of growing up, he also has to protect their personal rights.

The members of the Mac household are caught in lies that weave a web of deception.

Bernie receives some insight into parenting when Kelly stays with the family and becomes chummy with the kids.

As their visit to Chicago comes to an end, both Bernie and Vanessa learn enlightening truths about their respective parentage.

As their visit to Chicago comes to an end, both Bernie and Vanessa learn enlightening truths about their respective parentage.

Bernie faces off against Matt Damon and Lucy Lawless during a charity golf match, only to find that his biggest challenge is keeping up with Wanda.

Bernie determines to make Bryana grow up by making her give up her beloved doll, Precious.

Bernie forces Jordan to become friends with a nerd at school... only to discover, to his horror, that the nerd’s boring father wants to be Bernie’s friend.

The kids “unionize” — and then go on strike — after Bernie refuses to meet their demands for higher pay when they’re forced to complete tasks that go beyond normal chores.

When Jordan brings home a three-foot snake as part of a class project, it triggers rancor between him and Bryana... and outright terror in Bernie.

Bernie escorts a reluctant Vanessa to a father-daughter dance event; meanwhile Wanda’s quiet evening at home with Jordan and Bryana turns into chaos.

When Vanessa gets a boyfriend, Bernie disapproves… until the boyfriend takes an interest in getting Jordan involved in sports and all things “old school.”

Wanda quits her job when a co-worker is promoted over her, but her presence in the house distracts Bernie as he prepares comedy material for an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show; Jordan arranges for boys to have access to Vanessa.

Bernie looks forward to a family reunion, but when his relatives get on his nerves, he’s happy to return home… only to discover that his relatives have come to the house for a “reunion after-party.”

Bernie plays an evil wizard in a movie featuring Bryana’s favorite character, Droobie; when Bernie’s character is mean to Droobie, Bryana thinks it’s the real thing.

Father Cronin informs Bernie that Jordan has an incredible gift for spelling words, but when Jordan enters a spelling bee, he realizes his true passion is comedy; and Vanessa videotapes the family for a school project.

When Wanda says that her parents are having money problems, Bernie decides to buy her father a car… only to find that no good deed goes unpunished.

When Jordan complains that he has no past, Bernie gives the boy a keepsake and tells him it once belonged to Jordan’s father; but the lie soon snowballs until Vanessa stops speaking to Bernie.

Bernie pulls Bryana out of the private school she’s attending after he observes the teachers in action and deems their lessons worthless; and Wanda tries to stop Vanessa and Jordan from fighting.

When Bernie’s peaceful vacation doesn’t go quite as planned, he decides to fly to Vegas to be with his friends… much to Wanda’s chagrin.

Bernie ignores Wanda’s concerns and vows to keep his new motorcycle; but a traffic accident prompts a change in attitude, and Bernie becomes overly concerned about the safety of those around him.

Wanda feels neglected when a woman starts hanging out with Bernie and his friends; and Jordan and his sisters find the box where Bernie stores the things he’s taken from them over the years.

After claiming it’s impossible for him to fall victim to a prank, Bernie thinks he’s accidentally poisoned his neighbor’s dog and Jordan’s pet rat.

Bernie allows Jordan to appear in a television commercial, only to end up regretting his decision.

Though Jordan is beginning to show an interest in girls, Bernie refuses to talk to the boy about sex, fearing it will only put ideas in his head.

When Bryana misbehaves and Bernie doesn’t punish her like he does the other kids, Vanessa accuses him of playing favorites; at their wits’ end, Bernie and Wanda consult a therapist.

Bernie suspects that his family isn’t doing anything special to celebrate his birthday.

On Thanksgiving Bernie gets food poisoning while eating his own personal turkey, plunging him into a nightmarish fantasy world populated by his evil kids.

At Bernie’s insistence Wanda gets tough with the kids... until her relationship with them begins to deteriorate.

Wanda attempts to change Bernie’s eating habits after he’s diagnosed with high cholesterol.

When Jordan declares that he’s Jesus Christ, Bernie hopes to set him straight by forcing him to memorize the bible. Jordan gets revenge by convincing Bryana that Bernie’s “sin cup” is full, prompting Bryana to destroy some of Bernie’s cherished possessions.

Bernie sentences Jordan and Bryana to a prison-like punishment after they misbehave, and then begins a CSI-style investigation for clues linking Vanessa to wrongdoing.

Bernie takes the family to a church retreat after Wanda notices that everyone is drifting apart; and Wanda tells Bernie she wants a child of her own.

Fearing that Bernie’s sister will one day return to take the children away, Wanda tells Bernie she wants to officially adopt the kids.

Bernie and Wanda go to Wanda’s boss’ house for dinner, where Bernie finds he can’t escape the kids’ influence; meanwhile havoc erupts when Vanessa baby-sits Jordan and Bryana.

Bernie grows concerned when Jordan’s obsession for magic tricks shifts to an obsession for Vanessa’s friend; Bernie grows nostalgic for his first love.

When Bernie realizes that other parents play more than a small role in helping their kids with school projects, he decides to complete Jordan’s latest assignment without Jordan’s input; with some help from Bernie, Vanessa is elected class treasurer.

Bernie determines to make it to Las Vegas so he and his friends can watch a big boxing match. A series of setbacks involving the kids threatens to disrupt his plans.